ZEUS is on stage rooting around looking for something.

Zeus

Hera! Hera, have you seen my Thundercats mug? (To himself) How am I supposed to get it on without my secret magic talisman. It’s like she knows what I’m thinking. Me-damnit! That woman is always …

Hera

[Enters.] What are you looking for, Zeus?

Zeus

My Thundercats mug You’re always putting my stuff up when I’ve put it in a very specific place for…

Hera

Specific place? Look at this mess! You’d think the king of the gods would take some care to keep his office clean instead of this pigsty. You think you’re Dionysus?

Zeus

Bitch bitch bitch. That is all you have done for the last 6000 years.

Hera

Well maybe if you would spend more time at home than down at the Atlantis Bar with Odin and Ra. Ogling at Persephone and that…that cow, Io!

Hercules

[Enters with Thundercats mug.] Hey Dad?

Zeus

Hercules! Thank, Odin! Can you get your mother off my back?

HERCULES and HERA eye each other with disdain.

Hercules

Hey, Hera, I didn’t know you were home.

Zeus

Come on, I told you that you can call her Mom.

Hera

That’s right. You told him.

Hercules

You left those snakes in my bed again last night.

Hera

(Feigning) Oh, that’s where they went. I’ve been looking all over for…

Zeus

Now, come on. Can’t you two just get along?

Hera

Can’t he just get along? I mean how long is he going to keep living in the basement? Do you have another job yet?

Hercules

I’ve been looking.

Zeus

The boy’s been busy. He needs some time to relax.

Hera

Time to relax? He’s been in the basement for the last 5000 years! He hasn’t done anything.

Hercules

I have had twelve very important jobs. And they were very strenuous; I just want some down time.

Hera

Important jobs?! You swept horseshit out of some stables.

Zeus

Hey, come on now. That was an enormous pile of horseshit.

Hercules

It was very big.

Hera

I am giving you 500 years to get your act together, go out there and find a job. I want you out of this basement and living on your own in 500 years, do you understand me?

Hercules

[Cowed.] Yes.

Hera

[Turns on ZEUS.] And I have my eye on you. Athena told me she saw you in the great hall taking a long gander at Leda the other night. I know you are up to no good. If I hear you’ve been down there philandering around again… I don’t care if you can grow it back, I’m cutting that one off. Do you hear me?

Zeus

[Cowed.] Yes.

HERA turns to exit, then turns back to them. Does the two-finger-point to her eyes then the two-finger-point to both ZEUS and HERCULES. Exits.

Hercules

Wow.

Zeus

Well, that’s why she’s the goddess of marriage.

Hercules

She’s why mine didn’t work out so well.

Zeus

Yeah, well…

Hercules

Here’s your Thundercats mug.

Zeus

Where did you find it?

Hercules

You let me borrow it. For a…uh… magical task down there.

Zeus

Who did you, uh, “visit” with this thing?

Hercules

Beyonce.

Zeus

Hmm, I haven’t heard of her. How did you do it? I mean, what form did you take?

Hercules

Justin Timberlake, he’s apparently a highly regarded oracle and cultural icon. Worked like a charm.

Zeus

Nice job.

Hercules

Who do you need it for?

Zeus

Well, I thought, I’d go back down and visit Bea Arthur, again. I haven’t seen her in a while. Thought I’d use the shower of gold trick.

Hercules

Oh, Dad. I’ve got some bad news for you. (To Gerard) Play us out, Orpheus.