I had to tell you about today because, truly, it couldn’t have encapsulated the experience of my parents’ illnesses any better if I had scripted it.

Dad finally got released from the hospital today. Around 3pm.

Mom was admitted to the hospital today. Around 4:30 pm.

Shit you not.

Apparently Mom has acquired some blood clots in her lungs. She also may (may?) have had a mild heart attack over the last three days. The blood clots have fucked up her labs so much that they just can’t tell. Anyway she’s in the hospital for the next few days for labs and observation. Her chemo may be put on hold for a bit which, if you know her situation, doesn’t necessarily bode well.

Oh, we’re pretty sure our in-home childcare provider has quit, too.

Oh, and my wife wrenched her back out.

In case I haven’t mentioned this, I have been home (with wife and two boys) for seven days (not all together) out of the last six weeks.

Luckily, one of my wife’s sisters is taking the boys for a mini-vacation until Wednesday and the other will be at our house with the boys until Saturday.

Also, the following week is my wife’s spring break, so we’re good that week too. Little miracles.

I’m pretty sure that when this is over—however it gets over—the wife and I will host a party where, later in the evening, I will undergo a Cuba Libre enema and snort some bath salts. I’m joking about the bath salts.